All The Reasons Why
by lazydaisy
Summary: This is the story behind Stonefree. Mikan and Natsume are now in 6th grade and they are going through a lot of difficult obstacles. Will they be able to hold on to each other long enough or will other people's evil intentions get the better of them?
1. Author's notes

An overview of **All The Reasons Why**

This is the story behind "Stonefree". That is probably allI can say right now.

Anyway, Natsume is the narrator in this story since the other one, "Stonefree", is more on Mikan's POV. So Ntsume is miserably relating the story of how his and Mikan'srelationshiphad fallen apart. But of course their close bond will alwys be there. Nothing can take that awy. They are soulmates after all.

Anyway, Mikan is now 6th grade and she had been hurting a lot. She is very confused though why she is feeling that way. Anyway, Natsume is seriously feeling more and more attached to Mikan. Everything he does seems to be all about her now. It's making him go crazy. Anyway, see how it all turns out in the end.

WARNING: This is not a happy ending in this story. The happy ending happens in Stonefree. But both the fanfics are still under "careful deliberation". ahehe. I'll finish as soon as I can. Don't worry. For the mean time, try to be patient. Remember, patience is a virtue.


	2. Chapter 1

_Here is my star,_

_See how it shines_

_In the light of the day,_

_Never see her light;_

_Here is my star,_

_See how it shines_

_In a basket sky,_

_I keep her mine_

_She keeps making circles in my head_

_At lover's gates,_

_Here I stand_

_No one to hold,_

_To hold my hand_

_At lover's gates,_

_Here I stand_

_Here in the cold,_

_See my star land_

_She is the obsession in my life_

_So tell me now_

_Why do you have to be_

_Why do you have to be so cold_

_You didn't have to be_

_You didn't have to be so cold_

_I look much older now,_

_So they say_

_It feels much colder in this place_

_It seems so empty…_

_Without my star,_

_I feel no warmth_

_I raise my hand to meet the light_

_Stared at my star,_

'_til I was blind_

_Here is my star,_

_Is it mine?_

_So quit this perversion in my mind_

_Stared at my star_

'_til I was blind_

_Here is my star,_

_Is it mine?_

* * *

How long has it been… 3? 4 years? Since they've drifted apart? Natsume was a junior now. He was no longer the kid blinded in darkness. Mikan had come into his life already, filling it up with searing light.

Maybe that was why he was completely destroyed when that light was taken away from him again a few years back. And once more, he was left in the desolate darkness, full of despair.

He had turned back into the miserable being that he was, but this time full of anguish and dejection. He regretted more than he should. And he was feeling more than he wanted.

It took him quite a long time before admitting to himself he couldn't bear seeing Mikan with another. And a longer time admitting it to Mikan. Truth be told, he wasn't finished with that part yet. He was even still in the process of telling anyone else that.

But before anything good can happen, everything had already crumbled into pieces. Fate, as twisted as it was, really tried to break them apart. It felt like it wanted to prove to Natsume that a creep like him doesn't deserve to be happy. And definitely does not deserve to live in the light.

It was just a year after Natsume first saw Mikan outside the school gates. Ever since their last year together, Mikan had been sticking to him like glue. Well, at least that's what he felt like. She was always around the places where he was. And worse, she wanted to know what he was doing. She was really acting clingy and all around annoying. So Natsume blew her off as often as he could. "Get away from me, polka dots." That was what he often said. And Mikan would turn into 5 expressions at once and start blabbering about too many details than needed.

Natsume tried to ditch her as often as he could.

Until one time.

He was once again in his favorite tree. He was with Ruka and Yoichi, so really, he wasn't lonely. He was reading his manga quietly when he realized that he didn't understand any detail of the story. His eyes kept taking in all the words but he really didn't know what was going on. His mind was drifting without him knowing. And he was actually paying more attention to the VERY FEW people who would be passing by. He realized then that he was waiting for something to happen. Something was amiss, he felt. And he suddenly knew what. Polka dots wasn't there. Where was she? Was she with another guy? Flirting again? That bitch. And then he realized what he was saying. He was acting like a green-eyed monster complete with a tail and horns. This was bad, he knew. How could he be acting this way?

Suddenly, Yoichi crawled to his lap. "What is it, Yoichi?" He said in a very low tone.

"Where's Mikan?" Yoichi's small mouth uttered the words that Natsume couldn't make himself say. I was just wondering the same thing, Natsume thought to himself. But of course, he couldn't say that. He wouldn't.

"I haven't seen her anywhere yet, too." Ruka replied with a small smile.

"I don't know. She's probably flirting with a new guy." Natsume gritted his teeth, but then winced when he heard how those words came out of his mouth. It sounded like coming from a jealous boyfriend.

"Hey." Something suddenly blocked the sun in front of Natsume. It was Hotaru. "Has Mikan been hanging around with you guys?"

"Hotaru? No. Mikan hasn't been with us today. I was thinking maybe she was with you. You guys are best friends and all." Ruka blatantly answered.

When Hotaru heard this, a crease formed in her perfectly arched eyebrows. "I haven't seen her all day. But she was at our classes. But then she'd disappear. And during classes, she was also very quiet. I thought you'd have to do something with it." Hotaru turned to Natsume.

"What would I have anything to do with it? Besides, I'm not her keeper you know. How would I know where she is?" Natsume looked away hoping Hotaru wouldn't catch that worried look he was feeling inside.

"Well, I guess she probably went off somewhere or something. I'll just forget it then." Hotaru stared at Natsume for a while then walked away quietly.

After she was gone, Ruka looked intently at Natsume for a while then was as if to ask him something. But Natsume got ahead of him.

"What?" He snapped.

"Nothing."

"You were going to say something."

"I'm not saying anything." Ruka tried to stifle a smile.

"Well, can you not say anything somewhere else?" Natsume then put Yoichi on Ruka's lap then walked away. He heard Yoichi ask Ruka where he was going. And Ruka had replied, 'probably to get some food.'

Natsume smirked. His friend really knew him well.

_Now where is that baka._


	3. Chapter 2

_You made me believe without you_

_I'm nothing_

_You made me believe that_

_I've got everything_

_You made me believe that_

_I've got the world in my hands_

_You made me believe that_

_Life takes no prisoners_

_Breathe my air_

_Drink my water_

_You let my eyes see_

_See the best that I could be_

_You made my heart taste_

_The bitterness of leaving_

_You brought me up to love and to cherish_

_To live and believe that_

_There's just no room for hate and greed_

_Breathe my air_

_Drink my water_

**"Polka dots… you fool."**

* * *

For hours, Natsume discreetly looked for Mikan. He didn't want anyone else to know that he was looking for that brat. It was too much to take. He didn't want to give them any ideas. And he especially didn't want to give Mikan anything to be giddy about.

For the time being he was looking for Mikan, he had wanted to stop looking for her every second of it. Why was he troubling himself anyway? The girl gets lost for one day and here he was already looking for her. Did he miss her that easily? And why would he? Wasn't he the one who always pushed her away? Yes. But she comes running back every time.

Can he not live without her that much anymore? He knew he liked her. He wasn't as stupid as she was—_not even knowing she was in love with me_. Yes, he knew that much. At least he was that cocky. When a girl follows you every single day, what are you supposed to think? But he was still a little unsure of that because once in a while, Mikan gets a little too friendly with others. Too friendly for his liking. Especially with Ruka, and that Narumi, and that Andou guy. And even with Yuu or Kokoroyomi. Well, she gets too friendly with everyone. Either that or Natsume is just jealous of every other guy Mikan talks to, which is absolutely not the case. Natsume is still in a little denial of that but that is actually the case.

Well, anyway, hours passed and still Mikan was nowhere to be found. Natsume didn't attend his classes again and was walking the corridors looking for her. Finally, he decided to give up. He wasn't going to tire himself down for that stupid brat. He was outside already so what else can he do? He decided to just sit by some tree and decided to start reading his manga again.

But suddenly, the rain just got heavier on his storm of a day. Persona suddenly stood right in front of him like a reappearing ghost.

"Natsume. Are you doing what I think you're doing? Are you cutting classes again?"

It was much too late for Natsume to run. He was cornered. There was nowhere else to go but to face the problem ahead.

He didn't reply. He didn't say a word. He just sat there, struggling to ignore the man standing right in front of him and the danger he knew in his gut was soon to come.

"Don't worry, Natsume. I wouldn't hurt you this time." Persona said as if he read Natsume's mind. "I am having a worry-free day today. So I'll let you have some break. You know why?"

Natsume tried as hard as he can to not even flinch. He could feel so much tension building up inside his stomach. Damn it. He was scared every time Persona would try to have a conversation with him. It was always ending in the worst way it can.

"It seems like you don't really want to know."

"You're damn right." Natsume managed to say through clenched teeth.

"Oh well." Persona turned his back and seemed as if he was about to just walk away. "I'll tell you anyway. It's all thanks to your little girlfriend."

Natsume was frozen in terror. He had never felt that much fear, not for any other's life and not even for his own. "What did you do!" Natsume stood up as if in reflex.

"Nothing." Persona gave a little mocking laugh then he was gone.

Natsume, not knowing what to do, ran as fast as he can. He didn't know where he was going but he needed to get away. He needed to find her. No, he needed to get as far as he can from everything. He hated this Academy! He needed to leave everything behind. And at that moment, he felt like nothing can catch him if he just ran as fast as he can. Like nothing can touch him… Then nothing can hurt him…


	4. Chapter 3

_And at that moment, he felt like nothing can catch him if he just ran as fast as he can. Like nothing can touch him… Then nothing can hurt him…_

* * *

His run was all a big blur to him. And he just suddenly realized that he was standing in front of a very familiar door. It was Mikan's room. How did he get here? He didn't even know he knew the way. He just ran and before he knew it, he was there.

He turned he knob and was surprised to see that the door was open. Why didn't he look in here awhile ago? _Well, maybe because that would seem too desperate to find her!_ But he was desperate now.

He walked inside to find a neatly fixed room and just sufficiently furnished with all the right equipments. It was nice and felt very homey. _I guess Mikan always had that effect on everything._ She wasn't there, though. Mikan was still not in her room. Where was she?

Suddenly, the door creaked and in came Mikan.

Natsume blushed with embarrassment.

How creepy he must have looked to be inside Mikan's room. She might even think he was stalking her.

But Mikan simply had a surprised look on her face. A shocked and seemingly fearing look on her face.

Why is she so scared? _Maybe because she suddenly found a guy standing in the middle of her room!_ But it wasn't just that. It was like Natsume was the last person she wanted to see right now. Like she just didn't want to have to talk to him right now.

"I have to go." Natsume simply excused himself. It was embarrassing enough to be caught inside a girl's room but it'll be torture to even have to explain to her.

"Wait." Mikan suddenly ran to her table and seemed to get something. "Here." She offered Natsume a lunchbox beautifully wrapped in a pink handkerchief. "I made this for you awhile ago. I was supposed to give it to you during lunch…sorry." Mikan left out the reason for not being able to give it to Natsume when she was supposed to leaving Natsume hanging.

Natsume was getting more and more concerned.

And all the while, Mikan had her head bowed that Natsume couldn't see her eyes.

"Mi—polka dots." Natsume almost blurted out her name. Once was enough.

"What?" Mikan simply took the name-calling which just made Natsume even more worried.

Where were you? What was Persona talking about? Are you hurt? Is something wrong? Are you sad? Who were you with? There were so many things Natsume wanted to ask but his personality didn't let him. Knowing the type of person that he is, Natsume can never get himself to say such a caring word in his life. Instead all he said was, "What's with the lunchbox?"

Mikan was definitely hurt by this. She looked into his eyes with tears starting to swell up. Her eyes misted and tears started to stream down her cheeks.

"Mi—polka dots…" Natsume, for the second time, almost said her name aloud. He was really concerned, wasn't he?

"I didn't think you could be this mean…how could you be so…" Mikan didn't even finish her sentence. Tears already started to flow and Mikan's words were drowned by her sobs. "I thought…I thought…"

Natsume felt ten times more guilty than he'd ever felt before.

Why does he do this? He just can't get himself to say a nice thing like Ruka does. He just never had the occasion or the need to do so. But ever since Mikan had come along, he had more opportunities to do so but just doesn't have the decency to.

He had just been so scared of people to let himself be guided to them. That was the truth. And in the end, people became scared of him. But frankly, it was him who was afraid. He was very afraid to go deeper into himself because he was so afraid that there is so much darkness in him, it might already engulf him in it and he can never get away. He was afraid for himself…afraid that he might find out that everything they said about him was true. That he really was the son of sin himself and he was really a hopeless case. Like everyone else, Natsume didn't want to be left alone…and that fear just tore him farther from all the others. Which eventually led to the thing he feared the most.

_No one knows how it feels like to be so totally broken…so broken that you don't even believe in anything or in anyone in the world… to feel so much pain…that you don't even recognize it even if you die… the pain was so painful…I don't know what suffering really is anymore… I feel numb to it already…_

All these things had gone to Natsume's head when he saw Mikan cry. She was kneeling down in front of him already. Her knees had weakened and she covered her face with her hands.

"I…I'm…" Natsume struggled with the words. _Why can't you just say it, idiot?_ "I'm…" Natsume didn't really know why Mikan was hurting so bad. But he knew he didn't help make her feel better. That's just great, Hyuuga. You could fight a thousand men but cannot face a girl and say sorry.

"Do you really hate me, Natsume…? Do you hate me that much…?" Mikan looked so pleadingly at Natsume, it broke his heart. He didn't know what he made Mikan go through that she could think that he could hate him. _Well maybe for one, the name calling. And, oh I don't know, the pushing her away like a useless object maybe!_

"No. I don't hate you." Natsume kneeled down to face her.

"Then why do this to me?" Mikan openly showed her pain like a child. But it was just too hard to watch for Natsume. As a man, it was hard for him to see a girl cry. But it was much heavier to know that he was the one who caused it.

"I can't help it." Natsume finally said, his head bowed and strands of hair covering his eyes.

"What…" Mikan was so taken aback she almost stopped crying.

"I can't help it. I'm…I'm…" Damn it. He still can't say it. It's just two difficult. _Oh come on, man. It's just two words! There are so many things you say in two words. Like damn it. That bitch. Fuck you. Asshole. Shit head. Get out. Polka dots. Birdbrain. Okay, so not all of them are nice. But still. It's just the same!_

"I don't hate you." Natsume finally said.

"I'm sorry. I just… I was just thinking…that…" Mikan bit her lip. She was obviously deeply troubled by something. "Forget it." Mikan forced out a smile.

A sigh of relief silently escaped through Natsume's lips. It was difficult to see Mikan cry. He'd never felt worse in his life, not even when he was wounded so badly.

"You shouldn't be thinking too much. It doesn't have that effect on you." Natsume patted Mikan's head while he stood.

"Hey. What're you saying!" Mikan slowly stood up as well. "Are you saying I'm stupid!"

Natsume let himself laugh inside. "I didn't say that. You said that."

"I'm not an idiot, idiot. Besides, you're the one who can't say sorry!"

Mikan obviously hit a sensitive note. Natsume immediately snapped.

"WHAT! YOU LITTLE BAWLING PEA-BRAIN! YOU WERE THE ONE ON YOUR KNEES CRYING! NOT ME!"

_Wait. _Natsume suddenly remembered why he was there in Mikan's room in the first place._ What did Persona say awhile ago? It was all thanks to your little girlfriend? What did that mean?_

"Hey. Did Persona talk to you lately?" Natsume spoke obviously changing the subject.

"No…"

Wait. Does she even know who Persona is? "No, a man wearing a leather coat and boots. Have you seen a man just like him?"

"Oh, yes…"

"Did you talk to him?"

"Yes."

"What! What did you say!"

"Nothing. He just said that I shouldn't be putting my nose into other people's business if I didn't want to end up getting into something I don't like. Yeah…I think that's what he said. But that's not the problem here."

"What? He said that?"

"Yes. But so what? It's not like he even knows what he's talking about. He's such a weirdo anyway—"

"No." Natsume cut Mikan off. "Listen to me, and listen hard. If you ever see him again, run. Run away as fast as you can. Don't look back. Don't let him see you. Just run and don't ever talk to him." Natsume held Mikan at shoulder length, making her hazel browns look straight into his ruby eyes.

"What… I…"

"Just promise me! Do what I say, alright! Don't be hardheaded this time, polka dots!"

"It would really help if you would stop calling me by that and start calling be my real name."

"THIS IS SERIOUS!" Natsume couldn't help yelling. "Do you understand?"

Mikan simply nodded.

And Natsume left a bewildered Mikan to her room. He walked like a condemned man.

What Natsume didn't know was this was what would trigger the wilting of his brilliant star.


End file.
